100 Best Letterkenny Quotes (Letterkenny Sayings)

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Letterkenny Sayings

If you are a fan of Letterkenny here are some hilarious LetterKenny quotes to laugh your socks off.

If you never hear of Letterkenny before, you are in for a real treat.

Riley and Jonesy quotes, best letterkenny hockey quotes, letterkenny one liners, letterkenny shamrockettes quotes, letterkenny insults and much more that will make you laugh.

The show depicts the lives of the main characters into three groups: the hicks, the skids, and the hockey players in the small fictional town of Letterkenny. It is hysterically funny. Give it a watch!

Letterkenny Quotes

1. “I was flicking more bean than a Starbucks barista!”

2. “…I’m too fat to run.”

3. “You got a problem with Canada gooses you’ve got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate”.

4. “I enjoy horizontal refreshment for my vertical smile.”

5. “maybe if you’d been in a real fight you wouldn’t be so keen for another”.

6. “One year, they dressed a horse up like a unicorn and he was never really the same after that.”

7. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s?”

8. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.”

9. “There’s millions of starving kids in the world…okay, name ten!”

10. “Running a fucking dippity-doo convention upstairs for a salad.”

11. “Colone is too expensive, I just use sunscreen – Banana Boat.”

12. “That’s what I appreciate about you. Is that what you appreciate about me? Oh hey, look at you ground.”

13. “Closest you’re gettin’ to any action this weekend is givin’ the dairy cow’s teets a good scrubbin’.”

14. “I wouldn’t talk shit even if my mouth was full of it.”

15. “Nothing is better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day. I don’t give a shit about kids.”

16. “Your life’s so pathetic I just ran a 5k to raise awareness, give your balls a tug.”

17. “Fuck you Jonesy your mom ugly cried when she forgot to take the lense off the camcorder last night, fucking amateur hour over there.”

18. “Fuck you Riley your mom liked my Instagram picture from a year ago tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on any time she likes.”

19. “I seen a coon having sex with a barn cat on top of my truck one time. Fuck, what’s the nature of that, David Suzuki?”

20. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?”

21. “Your cousin said he’d get your little sister a One Direction CD for her birthday, which is fine, but he was a little quick to the draw on that on.”

22. “Instead of putting your phone on silent, how about silent but deadly!”

23. “Fuck Lemony Snicket, what a serious of unfortunate events you fuckin been through you ugly fuck.”

24. “You wanna 68? That’s when you go down on me… And I’ll owe ya one.”

25. “How many planets are there? Only seven after I destroy Uranus.”

Letterkenny quotes funny

26. “Here’s a poem. Star light, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.”

27. “I see the muscle shirt today, are the muscles coming in tomorrow?”

28. “Nothing wrong with a little stank on the hang down.”

29. “Nothing wrong with a little hizzin’ in the skizzins.”

30. “Nothing wrong with a little shot twist winds and waters.”

31. “Nothing wrong with building the blanket monster, a little pituitary poke.”

32. “A guy takes a hooker out for supper. He gave her his peas, she gave him herpes.”

33. “We’re just speaking hypo-ethically here bud.”

34. “Release the chocolate hostage, bust a grumpy, call in a code brown.”

Letterkenny One Liners

35. “Makes me wanna rub slick on my disco stick.”

36. “Go warcraft on my man shaft.”

37. “Low fiver to my deep V diver.”

38. “Makes me wanna take a fresh route to my flesh flute.”

39. “Youse guys ever take the dirt road home?”

40. “What’s gonna happen? Three things. I hit you, you hit the pavement, and I fuck your mom again.”

41. “Give your balls a tug titfucker.”

41. “Fuck you, Jonesy Your mom got so wet last night that Trump had to deploy the national guard to stack sandbags around my bed.”

42. “Fuck you, Riley your life is so sad I get a charity tax break just for hanging out with ya.”

43. “it’s impossible to underestimate ya bud.”

44. “You got the stink-eye from your gal for eating a baker’s dozen pickled eggs at a party, but you know that stink is gonna be reciprocated one ways or the other.”

45. “You’re having poker night with your pals and everything was going great ’til your friend said that Home and Garden TV was his laundry folding channel.”

46. “Spring is sprung. Grass is riz. It’s loitering time for greasy skids.”

47. “Your cousin does show moderate flashes of intelegence, but to you he’ll always be the guy who got his horn caught in the button-fly.

48. “Your friend George says he wants to be called “Geo” now, and you kinda wish you weren’t sharing a tent with him when he told you that.”

49. “A gal at the bar said she likes the way your pants fit, but she said it in a baby voice. And, really, she can do that nonsense on her own time.”

50. “It’s too much John Cougar and not enough Kim Mitchell.”

51. “Have you shit yourself? You look like you’ve got an awkward boner.”

52. “What’s up with your fucking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”

53. “What, like the Florida State Seminal Vesicles?”

54. “I think if I saw my own vas deferens, I’d be quite worried.”

55. “You know what? There’s 2 things I don’t like about you and it’s your face.”

56. “Let’s take about 5 to 10 percent off ‘er over there, Squirrely Dan.”

57. “My friend said he had sex inside a hollowed out log one time and I thought, I bet Fred Penner pulled that off one time too.”

58. “Fugassi diamonds in both ears, leprechaun buckles on his shoes, running a fucking dippidy-doo convention upstairs for a salad, driving a ’95 Jeep YJ with a Wave deco on the side, enough cologne to o-ffend a Bangcock lady boy. And you’ll want to hear the best part. Full Beiber eyes.”

59. “Here’s a tip, don’t fart in a spacesuit.”

60. “Here’s a tip, don’t sneeze when you’re taking a piss.”

61. “Here’s a tip, it’s really hard to get tuna out of your dickhole.”

62. “You naturally prefer companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the the dark.”

63. “She’s so hot I’d jerk off her dad just to see where she came from.”

64. “Is a duck’s ass watertight?”

65. “That’s some drunk evolution right there, bud.”

66. “It’s almost not worth thinking about.”

67. “A pack of coyotes come right up the porch the other night because your dog is in heat and you know those yellow-eyed bastards will go right through the screen door if they’re horny.”

68. “You are just spare parts, aren’t ya bud?”

69. “You seen a dude wearing those goofy toe shoes and you just know he’s the type of prick to name his dog something like “Camper.””

70. “Your little cousin put a stink bomb inside a Nerf gun and fired it at his bus driver. Fuck, no more kids table with those big-boy moves.”

71. “It’s too complicated. It’s like algebra. Why do you gotta go putting numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?”

72. “You wish there was a pied piper for ‘possums, but there isn’t so you’re gonna just have to keep picking ’em off with the 22.”

73. “Buckle up because they’re fucking ugly. Course, that’s not to say I have it all my damn self.”

74. “You left the barn door open after chores one time and your dad thought you were stoned, but you haven’t smoked the electric lettuce since grade 8.”

75. “Well, you don’t want to go too cooky with accessories on your truck or your jeep. It’s ok with a like a quad, though, like my buddy Big Tees got a snorkel kit on his and that’s pretty punk rock.

76. “A guy’s girlfriend is having a hard time parking the car. He says, “You should get tested.” She says “No, I’m not so bad at drivin’.” He says, “No, I have clamidia.”

77. “You guy can cross fit? you can cross fuckoff.”

78. “Fucking greasiest skid I’ve ever seen comes up the produce stand the other day; “what fucking satanic clown orgy did you just crawl out of?”

79. “Picks up 4 leafed cleaver make a wish. wish you wouldn’t be so fucking awkward bud blows cleaver away.”

funny Letterkenny quotes

80. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”

81. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”

82. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.”

83. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?”

84. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.”

85. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.”

86. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach.”

87. “Your Sister’s Lasagna Gave Everyone The Scoots For Weeks Up In Here”

88. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.”

89. “Yes Dear, Pick Up Milk On The Way Home. That’s A Texas Sized 10-4.”

90. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.”

91. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.”

92. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.”

93. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.”

Letterkenny Hockey Quotes

94. “Top shelf bar downskies”

95. “A hockey player called you “slugger” the other day, so it’s like “Run upstairs and put your jammy-jams on. I’m putting you to sleep.”

96. “Everyone know’s it doesn’t count if it doesn’t go bar downskies!”

97. “Don’t be such an idiot schmeltz, it doesn’t count unless you go bardownski!”

98. “Looking for a tillitime? Let’s have a donnybrook.”

99. “Gonna crush some sandos after prackie.”

100. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.”

Did you enjoy these Letterkenny quotes?

Are you a Letterkenny fan? If you haven’t seen Letterkenny the show, you should definitely give it a go!

Did you enjoy these Letterkenny quotes? Hopefully, some of these quotes have inspired you to watch the show.

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