30 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

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A funny thanksgiving quote can make you feel more relaxed during your Thanksgiving meal.

Sometimes you want to make a joke about the turkey, but it may be too soon.

Here are some examples of funny Thanksgiving quotes that will help you find the words that are right for the moment before Thanksgiving dinner is ready for all your family and friends to enjoy together.

Making laughter part of your gathering means everyone has a nice time and isn’t seated there feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

Of course, humor is not appropriate for every situation so only use these types of funny quotes if they are appropriate for your holiday gathering.

Allow me to be your Thanksgiving funny quote guide.

Here are some funny thanksgiving quotes that should help lighten the mood for you, your family and friends.

1) “I’m thankful for the fact that I don’t have a twin, because imagine two of me!”

– Stephen Colbert

2) “I am grateful to all the people with whom I’ve argued over all these years. They toughened me up and made me more open-minded.”

– Bill Maher

3) “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”

– Alphonse Karr

4) “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

– Oprah Winfrey

5) “I am grateful every morning when I wake up, and conscious of it in my bones. And I try to express that gratitude in everything I say or do or make.”

– Maya Angelou

6) “Thank God this is Friday! Oh… wait…..”

– Jerry Seinfeld

7) “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

– William Arthur Ward

8) “I’m so thankful for all the broken things inside of me because they’ve brought me to you.”

– Tom Hanks as Josh in “You’ve Got Mail”

9) “Always count your blessings, never curse your woes.”

– Irish Proverb

10) “A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.”

– Cicero

11) “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

– Jack Handey

12) “I am thankful for my computer, and all the people who helped me learn how to use it.”

– Jack Handey

13) “I am thankful for discounted prices at the warehouse store, because it doesn’t pay to fight crowds on full priced items just before Christmas.”

– Jack Handey

14) “I am thankful for badminton, except the part about using the birdie. I hate that little feathery thing!”

– Jack Handey

15) “I’m thankful for my alarm clock. It’s nice to wake up every morning and not wonder what time it is.”

– Jack Handey

16) “I am thankful for all those who said I can’t, because it’s those people who need to get a life and let me start living.”

– Jack Handey

17) “I’m thankful for my wife and kids. If any of them become annoying, that just means they’re learning new things.”

– Jack Handey

18) “That Thanksgiving turkey on the table was really funny.”

– Mike Mussina

19) “I’m thankful for a dog that loves a good bone buried in the yard almost as much as his old owner does.”

– Robert Brault

20) “We have so much to be thankful for, including each other. Let us not forget this or take it for granted.”

– Bill Watterson

21) “I am thankful for the Ramones, they’re my favorite rock band. When they were recording an album, they made music that didn’t make my ears feel like they were bleeding.”

– Jack Handey

22) “The only difference between Thanksgiving and everyday life is this: A turkey has been sacrificed to make Thanksgiving dinner possible.”

– Terence Hanbury White

23) “Tomorrow morning I’ll be thankful that today I woke up breathing.”

– Mark Twain

24) “I’m thankful for all the bologna in my sandwich because if it was cheese instead of bologna, it would be a cheese sandwich. And I hate cheese sandwiches!”

– Jack Handey

25) “I am thankful for my friends and family, who make life worth living no matter what the circumstances.”

-Jack Handey

26) “I am thankful that I am a part of this community. We all give each other hope when we need it most.” -Winnie Mandela

27) “Instead of waiting for things to get better, I’m learning to appreciate how lucky I am today. So here’s to today and my glass overflowing with blessings: may your troubles be less and your joys be more and nothing but happiness come through your door!”

– Pete Seger

28) “This year I’m thankful for family, friends and the turkey who made it.”

– Unknown

29) “Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire; If you did, what would there be to look forward to?”

– Wayne Dyer

30) “Something about being with family…you can behave like an idiot and no one seems to care.”

– Garrison Keillor

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