Do you have a thing for dark jokes? Do you like dark humor? There’s nothing wrong with a little dark humor. These dark humor jokes will turn your red and make you laugh so hard you will double over.
Life can be hard once in a while. Sometimes a little dark humor goes far, and for a few of us, that implies delving into the most profound, haziest pits of our brain.
Take a look at these 75 humorous dark jokes, and in the event that you find yourself laughing just keep scrolling and reading because the more you scroll the funnier the dark jokes.
Before you immerse yourself into these dark jokes, I would like to say the following: Dark humor jokes are a way to make light of situations and are not meant to be taken personally.
I hope you like these dark humor, dirty jokes as well as the funny dark jokes.
Dark Humor Jokes
✨ My therapist told me “Time heals all wounds”, so I stabbed him. Now we wait…
✨ They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
✨ A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.”
✨ Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked “Which one is yours?” Just for finf I said “I’m still choosing”
✨ Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.
✨ My elderly relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
✨ Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday!
✨ I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
✨ Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
✨ I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he has ever read.
✨ I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
✨ I took my mother in law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome.
✨ Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
✨ My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
✨ Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
✨ Why can’t orphans play baseball? They’ve never known what home is.
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Funny Dark Jokes
✨ My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.I said, “Usually an overdose, son.”
✨ What did the cow say to the leather chair? “Hi, Mom!”
✨ Did you hear about the Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
✨ My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
✨ “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
✨ I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that!
✨ What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? The wheelchair
✨ Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
✨ What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
✨ The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
✨ When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
✨ Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
✨ You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
✨ What’s similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her – They are both thinking “Oh shit, my mom is going to kill me”
✨ The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
✨ My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
✨Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
✨ Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
✨ About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
✨ Siri, why am I still single?! Siri activates front camera.
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Best Dark Humor Jokes
✨ An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
✨ A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer, “Can you please hold my hand?”
✨ I went on a date last night and during conversation, I told my date I worked with animals every day. She said, “Oh, how sweet. What do you do?” I said, “I’m a butcher.”
✨ The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
✨ What’s black and sticks to a tree? A peeping tom after a forest fire.
✨ I finally got one of those roof boxes for the car. It’s great. I can barely hear my kids now.
✨ Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick.
✨ What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.
✨ My best friend sadly passed away yesterday so I went to see his wife today. I said to her, “Look on the bright side, at least he’s not suffering anymore.” She replied, “But he wasn’t ill, he died suddenly.” I said, “I know, I meant being married to you.”
✨ You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
✨ I went to the chemist today and asked for a box of condoms. The girl serving asked me if I wanted a bag with it. I said, “No thanks, she’s actually quite pretty.”
✨ What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? Hop in.
✨ It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
✨ My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.
✨ The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
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